Lars Wiechen, Partner Deloitte Romania: Sweep your ego before it sweeps you away

10.01.2017 By Lars Wiechen

Having spent more than 16 years in professional services, I should be accustomed to competitiveness and managing egos, including mine. However, after having read and reflected upon Ryan Holiday’s Bestseller “Ego is the Enemy”, it became crystal clear to me what is my single greatest career advice: “Sweep your ego before it sweeps you away!” – be aware that you have to suppress it continuously since it always comes back. The following article summarizes some of Holiday’s main ideas supplemented by own experience.

Having spent more than 16 years in professional services, I should be accustomed to competitiveness and managing egos, including mine. However, after having read and reflected upon Ryan Holiday’s Bestseller “Ego is the Enemy”, it became crystal clear to me what is my single greatest career advice: “Sweep your ego before it sweeps you away!” – be aware that you have to suppress it continuously since it always comes back. The following article summarizes some of Holiday’s main ideas supplemented by own experience.

Now more than ever our culture fuels the flames of ego. Through digitization, social media and reality TV it has never been easier to push ourselves directly into the limelight. We can post all our great ideas, bold visions and world changing accomplishments on Facebook, Linked-in or Twitter, and if we run out of ideas, we simply give some likes or change our profile pictures, to get the attention we are craving for. Creating a “personal brand” seems to be the main task for everybody nowadays. The result is shameless self-promotion, nurturing our egos as never before. The more important it is to reflect upon this most poisonous trait.

We are facing ego in all areas of life, in business, politics, and sports or even within the family. What we do not want to realize is that at every stage of our life, ego is our greatest enemy holding us back from real achievement and success. Early in our careers, it impedes learning and the cultivation of talent. With success, it can blind us to our faults and sow future problems. In failure, it magnifies each blow and makes recovery difficult or even impossible.

According to Holiday, ego in its most casual definition is the unhealthy belief in our own importance. It is the need to be better than, more than, recognized for, far beyond reasonable utility. Ego is the sense of superiority and certainty that exceeds the boundaries of confidence and talent. If your belief in yourself is not dependent on actual achievement, it is your ego making you believe in something which does not exist. To make it clear, we all share the same traits: ego, self-interest, pride, dignity, and ambition, but we need to temper them by a large degree of humility and self-awareness.

We need the money, the title, the media attention not for the team or the cause, but for ourselves because we earned it. If we do not have a purpose, i.e. not knowing what we need, the default is more, more than the people around us. To make the point clear: we never earn the right to be greedy or pursue our interests at the expense of everyone else! Ego needs honors to be validated, confidence on the other hand, is able to wait and focus on the task at hand, regardless of external recognition. It is easy to be emotionally invested in your own work, as any narcissist can do it. What is not rare is raw talent, skill or even confidence, but humility, diligence and self-awareness. The ability to evaluate one’s own ability, is the most important skill of all. Without it, improvement is impossible.

You have been producing splendid results for the last years, but you have been walked over for promotion. Your colleague having spent more time kissing-up asses rather than working got it. Your boss is lying repeatedly directly into your face and your raise is just enough for you not to resign the next day or grab another opportunity, whereas all the phonies, bullies and lackeys around you have been spoiled over with monetary rewards. You are a leader, a team player, technically well equipped, and you spent nights in the office and your boss did not even have the courtesy to say thank you to you. If this situation seems familiar to you, you are already trapped by your ego. If you want to succeed, fight your anger, restrain yourself, be humble, sober and realistic. Start with  a serious self-assessment, be your own biggest critic, ask candid feedback from your friends and most sincere colleagues. Be aware that the world is not revolving around yourself, and you are just a little piece of the universe. If you still conclude you are not treated fairly, just take it, endure it, play the game and ignore the noise. This is the only cure for your wounded ego.

Your ego reminds you of your vertical spine, your honor, the need to see your own face in the mirror each morning. Throwing it all away may give you an immediate relief, but the repercussions in the long run will make you feel more miserable than before.

If you control your ego you will understand that it does not degrade you when other treat you poorly or even humiliate you, it degrades them! Ignore them, despite them, they do not deserve your respect, let them live in their own wretched complacency. You have almost no control over the rewards for your work and efforts. So what are you going to do? Not to be kind, not to work hard, not to produce results, just because our ego demands it?

Good work is sufficient. Detach yourself from the outcome of your work and let your effort determine your success. Maintain your own scorecard and set your own standards exceeding those your superiors might consider to be objective success. Your potential, the absolute best you are capable of, that is the metric to measure yourself against. Fulfilling your own standards gives you the necessary pride and self-respect. Winning is not enough. People can get lucky and win, people can be the biggest assholes and win, anybody can win, but not everyone is the best possible version of himself.

Remain humble in your aspirations, gracious in your success, and resilient in your failures. Controlling your ego is like sweeping the floor. Just because you have done it once, it does not mean that the floor is clean forever. Every day the dust comes back. It accumulates quickly – sweep regularly before it becomes unmanageable.